Self portrait from around 2003
This should be easy, there’s plenty to choose from. I wasn’t the happiest person between the ages of about 12-23. Actually, I was a bit of a mess and I felt lonely pretty much all the time. I have always been surrounded by loads of people, it was never that, it was more of a mental aloneness.
I’ve been trying to finish this post for several hours now. I think, trying really hard to remember one specific time, and I can’t. I simply can’t. I suppose there were moments, but if I don’t remember them, I won’t try to drag them up. I’m not there anymore, I’m not going to reminisce about things past that weren’t great. I’ve done my therapy, I’m over all that. I’m a new person. Someone who knows that even though she moves to a new continent without knowing a single person, it’ll all be fine. And sure there were bad days during this last year (more earlier in the year than later), but I can’t pinpoint a single one now. They were more frustration than loneliness. Frustration that getting a circle of friends doesn’t happen faster, that no job simply landed in my lap (as it has always done. Yes I’m spoilt) and that I never got enough time to do what I really wanted (as we had so many visitors).
But you know what? That’s pretty darn good. Not really feeling lonely for I don’t know, 7 years now? I think I’ll keep at it for at least another 50 years.